Today we say goodbye - Far too soon

Today we said goodbye to Tyler and Logan's Dad, Bryan. It's still surreal. 51 year old men are not supposed to die. Since hearing the news that he was so sick and making our emergency trip to Knoxville my mind and heart have turned back the years. There are no rules about being an "ex" in these situations. My heart aches for my boys, I hurt for Bryan's wife Kim as she's had her world turn upside down. I put myself in the shoes of his Mom Jo who has just had to go through something a Mom should never have to experience.

I didn't know what to expect today. I'm the ex. The awkward reminder of a prior life. But, I'm also the Mom of his kids. I'm the keeper of memories of college, and first jobs after graduation, and family gatherings and vacations and so many other things. Bryan frustrated me like no other human being. He had an opinion about everything. But, he also had a great laugh, would help anyone and loved his children. Our paths split but he always stayed involved with the boys. Tyler shares his love of sports and cars. Logan has so many of his mannerisms it startles me sometimes. So, I had to be there to say goodbye to this man who was once my best friend, and who gave me the two best gifts in my life - my boys.

The memorial was lovely. It was a testament to Bryan that friends from high school and college came to the service. I reconnected with people from my past that are such a dear part of my memories. Angela Haddad, Jake Waxman and Troy Beasley showed up to support Tyler. What a surprise. Tyler was the last speaker and he did a wonderful job. I'm so proud of my boys. Mark took care of things behind the scenes as I caught up with people from my past. My amazing family Melanie, Gaston, Kristen, Bryan Aunt Carol and Uncle Peck came to support the boys. And Kim, her family and their church made me feel welcome and not an intrusion.

Grief is a funny thing. It brings back memories long buried. It catches you unaware. I was not re

I met Bryan the 2nd day of college ady for the avalanche of feelings.at Central Michigan University. He was sitting at a table in the cafeteria with a group of guys. I knew one of the guys at the table (I had met him the day before; he was my cousin's roommate) so I sat down. When Bryan introduced himself I said my brother's name was Bryan too. "I'm sure he spells it wrong." he replied. As both spelled their names with a "y" they were both right. For weeks I called him "Bryan with a y". We started dating the 2nd semester and for the next 4 years had an on and off relationship until we decided we wanted to marry. Bryan took his first job out of college as a reporter at the Herald-Palladium in the Benton Harbor / St. Joseph area. We played on the "Hard News Bears" softball team, and made good friends. From there he went to work at the Niles newspaper when he was laid off. A move took us north when we started a job at the Traverse City Record Eagle. We had two sons and a dog named Fred. We had good days, and then eventually, more bad days than good. We divorced and went our separate ways, but always maintained a relationship for our children.

Bryan and Kim came to Dad's funeral. You could see Bryan's pleasure at catching up with people from his past. After all, my family and church were once his too. At the time I was kind of irritated that he was having a good time at the function where I was grieving. Now, I'm so grateful that he was there to support our boys, and reconnect with his past.

When we went to see him at the hospital Kim told me Bryan wanted to see me. We shared a heart moment, we forgave each other for the hurts we caused each other and I told him he had to get better because our boys needed him, and I'd be mad at him if he hugged my Dad in heaven before I did; and I didn't plan on that for a very long time. He told me he'd get better, but God had other plans.

So Bryan, it's okay that you've hugged my Dad first. Give him a big one for me. And, thank you for the laughter, the love, and the boys. I'm so glad the second half of your life was happy with Kim.

Please keep my boys and Kim and her son Josh in your prayers as they adjust. No one was ready for this.