If only, if only
“If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs,
"The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies."
While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
Crying to the moon, "If only, If only.”
Louis Sachar "Holes"
The day before Bryan's memorial service I woke up with this poem ringing in my head. At first only parts of it were clear and I kept trying to remember the 3rd line. Then I did and all through the day and the next one, and the next it kept coming back like an ear-worm song you just can't get rid of.
WHY? I haven't thought of Holes in years. Such a great story, but it's been so many years since we saw the movie. Why would just this poem be ringing in my brain?
I don't know!
But, I did start thinking about it. I'm sure a Google search will find many learned scholars offering ideas about the meaning. I'm certainly not a learned scholar. But, to me it speaks of perspective. Everything is relative.
My heart is aching for my boys losing their Dad so young. My heart hurts for his wife whose world has turned upside down. My heart hurts for Bryan for the painful death he went through. And, my heart aches for myself, and the lost opportunities of a failed marriage. My heart cries out to God "WHY?".
But then I wonder if I'm the woodpecker. Am I sitting on a branch complaining because the branch hurts my feet, or my beak while just below me another creature is hungry and alone?
Maybe.
I would struggle with this internal battle when Tyler was young. I was grieving for the loss of the "perfect child" as we coped with the demands of a special needs child. But then I looked at others with special needs children and saw our road wasn't so bad after all. It took a long time before I allowed myself to grieve, even while giving thanks.
I'm still puzzled why this poem came to me at this time. My brain is a weird place. I'm still puzzling the poem out. But, on this day I give thanks for the road ahead. I'm thankful I can look up and see the sky. I'm blessed that I have amazing kids who have a massive support system to help them navigate life without their Dad. Today I will release my "if onlys". In the words of Tyler via his Dad - "It is what it is".
Maybe it's time to read Holes again. :) Any excuse to read a good book works in my world.
"The bark on the tree was as soft as the skies."
While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
Crying to the moon, "If only, If only.”
Louis Sachar "Holes"
The day before Bryan's memorial service I woke up with this poem ringing in my head. At first only parts of it were clear and I kept trying to remember the 3rd line. Then I did and all through the day and the next one, and the next it kept coming back like an ear-worm song you just can't get rid of.
WHY? I haven't thought of Holes in years. Such a great story, but it's been so many years since we saw the movie. Why would just this poem be ringing in my brain?
I don't know!
But, I did start thinking about it. I'm sure a Google search will find many learned scholars offering ideas about the meaning. I'm certainly not a learned scholar. But, to me it speaks of perspective. Everything is relative.
My heart is aching for my boys losing their Dad so young. My heart hurts for his wife whose world has turned upside down. My heart hurts for Bryan for the painful death he went through. And, my heart aches for myself, and the lost opportunities of a failed marriage. My heart cries out to God "WHY?".
But then I wonder if I'm the woodpecker. Am I sitting on a branch complaining because the branch hurts my feet, or my beak while just below me another creature is hungry and alone?
Maybe.
I would struggle with this internal battle when Tyler was young. I was grieving for the loss of the "perfect child" as we coped with the demands of a special needs child. But then I looked at others with special needs children and saw our road wasn't so bad after all. It took a long time before I allowed myself to grieve, even while giving thanks.
I'm still puzzled why this poem came to me at this time. My brain is a weird place. I'm still puzzling the poem out. But, on this day I give thanks for the road ahead. I'm thankful I can look up and see the sky. I'm blessed that I have amazing kids who have a massive support system to help them navigate life without their Dad. Today I will release my "if onlys". In the words of Tyler via his Dad - "It is what it is".
Maybe it's time to read Holes again. :) Any excuse to read a good book works in my world.
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