The riches we leave behind
We had an unexpected and thought provoking experience this past weekend. Several months ago a friend passed away from lung cancer. He was 62. He was an eccentric, highly intelligent man who I'm grateful I got to know. Today, he would have been diagnosed as having Aspergers, or maybe even high functioning Autism.
He was a hoarder, on a massive scale. He lived his life according to his terms, in conditions that most of us could never imagine living in. But, he didn't want to change, and was a content man.
We ended up going to his home to look at something that his heirs have for sale. He had never married, had no children. His Sister had died 20 years ago, she had 2 children. His parents are still alive, they are 91 and 92 years old. His father is trying to manage the sale of the estate. However, as he says, he lost his best friend. He and his son spent part of every day together. The loss is overwhelming for him. He is only now starting to face the task ahead of him; the barns full of stuff, some valuable, much of it trash after being stored in barns for years and years. Our friend ran a business from his home. There are rooms full of items that he sold, with a great value to them - but only he understood his system, and trying to figure out what is what is daunting. He lived a simple life, but left his family an incredible amount of money.
While we were there, some people were also there to look at one of the vehicles they had for sale. They ended up buying two vehicles, but also started to load up on New Old Stock parts to put on the vehicle. They were going in and out of the house, and the barns, really trying to sneak out as much as possible. We were ready to leave, it was cold, rainy, and I was not supposed to be putting a lot of weight on my broken ankle. But when we realized what was going on, we said there was no way we could leave this 91 year old man alone to deal with this. So, we stopped the looting, got everyone on the same page, and waited until the flatbeds arrived to haul the two vehicles away. One of the vehicles spent many years in the diningroom of our friend's home (I told you he was eccentric). I think that was the hardest thing for his Dad, seeing the car going away because it was such a large part of his Son.
I stood there on the porch with him, as he cried, and we talked about my friend, and how he'd be happy to see someone enjoy the car that brought so much to his life. We talked about what a good man his son was, how smart he was, and yes, that he had his quirks. This man looked at me and said "I have no one left." I said, you have your wife, you have two grandchildren and you have 3 great grandchildren. And, you have a lifetime of wonderful memories of a good son. He asked me if I believed in life after death. I told him I do. I told him I believe there is so much more than we begin to understand. We talked about faith, and love, as I tried to find words to bring comfort and light to this broken man.
So, now we're involved with helping him deal with all his son's stuff. He is angry that his son refused to deal with any of it, even though he fought cancer for 3 years. But, to deal with it was the same as admitting defeat. We don't live near them, we have no financial stake in the process. I just don't want to see them ripped off. Looters have already broken into the house and vandalized things, smashing lights and mirrors and spraypainting on the walls. It's only a matter of time before more damage is done.
We didn't plan on spending most of our day there. We weren't planning on getting involved with the family dealing with everything. But, I believe God put us there for a purpose. My brain hurts trying to figure out everything that needs to happen to deal with all the stuff. My heart hurts more when I look at this brokenhearted man.
This has also made me think about my own life, and the value we place on stuff. So much of that value is misplaced. Our friend's items will be sold for pennies on the dollar. Much of it will be thrown away, for his keeping it all these years did not prevent damage. He left a huge mess for his father to deal with because he couldn't face it himself. So, while we help them deal with this situation, I am resolving to look at my own home again with fresh eyes. What am I holding on to that is just "stuff"? Yes, it's okay to have things around us that bring us joy. But, sometimes less truly is more. The value of what our friend left is in the lives that he touched. He freely gave advice, enjoyed a daily visit with friends and family, and loved his cats like family. My goal is that when I leave, the riches I leave behind are not counted in items, but in love and memories.
He was a hoarder, on a massive scale. He lived his life according to his terms, in conditions that most of us could never imagine living in. But, he didn't want to change, and was a content man.
We ended up going to his home to look at something that his heirs have for sale. He had never married, had no children. His Sister had died 20 years ago, she had 2 children. His parents are still alive, they are 91 and 92 years old. His father is trying to manage the sale of the estate. However, as he says, he lost his best friend. He and his son spent part of every day together. The loss is overwhelming for him. He is only now starting to face the task ahead of him; the barns full of stuff, some valuable, much of it trash after being stored in barns for years and years. Our friend ran a business from his home. There are rooms full of items that he sold, with a great value to them - but only he understood his system, and trying to figure out what is what is daunting. He lived a simple life, but left his family an incredible amount of money.
While we were there, some people were also there to look at one of the vehicles they had for sale. They ended up buying two vehicles, but also started to load up on New Old Stock parts to put on the vehicle. They were going in and out of the house, and the barns, really trying to sneak out as much as possible. We were ready to leave, it was cold, rainy, and I was not supposed to be putting a lot of weight on my broken ankle. But when we realized what was going on, we said there was no way we could leave this 91 year old man alone to deal with this. So, we stopped the looting, got everyone on the same page, and waited until the flatbeds arrived to haul the two vehicles away. One of the vehicles spent many years in the diningroom of our friend's home (I told you he was eccentric). I think that was the hardest thing for his Dad, seeing the car going away because it was such a large part of his Son.
I stood there on the porch with him, as he cried, and we talked about my friend, and how he'd be happy to see someone enjoy the car that brought so much to his life. We talked about what a good man his son was, how smart he was, and yes, that he had his quirks. This man looked at me and said "I have no one left." I said, you have your wife, you have two grandchildren and you have 3 great grandchildren. And, you have a lifetime of wonderful memories of a good son. He asked me if I believed in life after death. I told him I do. I told him I believe there is so much more than we begin to understand. We talked about faith, and love, as I tried to find words to bring comfort and light to this broken man.
So, now we're involved with helping him deal with all his son's stuff. He is angry that his son refused to deal with any of it, even though he fought cancer for 3 years. But, to deal with it was the same as admitting defeat. We don't live near them, we have no financial stake in the process. I just don't want to see them ripped off. Looters have already broken into the house and vandalized things, smashing lights and mirrors and spraypainting on the walls. It's only a matter of time before more damage is done.
We didn't plan on spending most of our day there. We weren't planning on getting involved with the family dealing with everything. But, I believe God put us there for a purpose. My brain hurts trying to figure out everything that needs to happen to deal with all the stuff. My heart hurts more when I look at this brokenhearted man.
This has also made me think about my own life, and the value we place on stuff. So much of that value is misplaced. Our friend's items will be sold for pennies on the dollar. Much of it will be thrown away, for his keeping it all these years did not prevent damage. He left a huge mess for his father to deal with because he couldn't face it himself. So, while we help them deal with this situation, I am resolving to look at my own home again with fresh eyes. What am I holding on to that is just "stuff"? Yes, it's okay to have things around us that bring us joy. But, sometimes less truly is more. The value of what our friend left is in the lives that he touched. He freely gave advice, enjoyed a daily visit with friends and family, and loved his cats like family. My goal is that when I leave, the riches I leave behind are not counted in items, but in love and memories.
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