Unexpected Memories

Logan came into the room carrying a box from his car.  His stepmom Kim had given him some stuff that had belonged to his Dad.  I looked in the box and tears immediately came to my eyes.  Several years ago I had messaged Kim about a little fake tree that Bryan had and I mentioned if she ever came across it that I would love to have it back. 

When Tyler was born at 24 weeks gestation it meant his first Christmas was spent in the NICU.  We tried to make the best of it.  Christmas in a hospital is never fun.  I was very sick that month.  It turned out I was pregnant with Logan but didn't realize it.  One night the NICU nurse told us to to out and get something to eat and breath some fresh air.  We got dinner and stopped at a store to buy some stuff to make a little mini Christmas tree to put next to Tyler's bed.  Bryan got very into the project and when we got back to the hospital he put the ornaments on the tree.  When we got a divorce I had put the tree with his stuff because he had strong memories with it.  After he died, I thought I would never see it again.

Seeing the tree so unexpectedly brought a rush of emotion I was not expecting.  I was instantly transported to Nursery 1 at Bronson Methodist Hospital NICU.  I could hear the beeping of the equipment, smell the antiseptic smells of a hospital and could see Bryan pulling the cheap decorations out of the packaging and putting it on the little plastic tree.  It brought back the sorrow of that year, trying to be cheerful with our child's first Christmas being spent in the hospital, and me feeling so crummy.  So many emotions that month.

Thank you Kim for sending the tree back.  It means more than I can say.