Parents with High Expectations
This is an excellent article and well worth the read.
When Tyler was born at 24/26 weeks gestation (by my dates he was 26 weeks, by his development level he was more like 24 weeks) one of the first things that impacted me and showed that my life was forever different is how his birth was treated by the hospital. Other Moms had "It's a Boy" or "It's a Girl" signs on their doors. I didn't. No one congratulated me on the birth of my son. Instead I got somber looks and people pushed me in my wheelchair to the NICU where I sat next to an Isolette and couldn't even hold my medically fragile newborn son. Because of the terribly premature birth, and the high probability of death, or disabilities, people didn't know what to say. So, they said nothing.
When we came home from the hospital, Tyler stayed. (As did Logan when he was born prematurely at 31 weeks gestation.) Another "typical" celebration lost.
I was told to have no expectations for Tyler. I was told he wouldn't go to "normal" school, wouldn't hold a job, would never function on his own. I was told he wouldn't walk, that his language wasn't "functional" and that I was foolish for pushing him. I can't count the number of IEP's, METs and other meetings where I was told "Mom, your expectations are too high." (I HATED being called Mom in meetings. Take a moment and be a professional and learn my name. That started to change whenever someone did that to me I simply started calling them by their title rather than their name. Eventually they would take the hint. 
What made me angrier is when one of Tyler's high school teachers told him (and some other students in his class) that they weren't "College Material" and needed to learn how to clean or do other tasks for a job after school. EXCUSE ME? This was an Autism Specialized Teacher … Yes, I addressed it.
Tyler is an example of how far someone can go when you give them a chance. He has far exceeded expectations. Are there challenges? Yes. Are there differences? Yes. But, you know what? EVERY child has challenges and differences. My world will always be different from my peers. Tyler will always be my responsibility. I may never be an "empty nester". Or, I might. One thing I've learned is to never stop stretching and growing and having expectations.
Tyler (and his friend Angela) and so many of the kids he went to school with continue to inspire me. It fills my heart to see that Moms like me …. unrealistic, pushy, unreasonable, ridiculous Moms like me … are finally starting to get recognized for what we knew all along. The fight is worth it.
If you are an employer - please think outside the box. There is a world of potential employees who want to give you their all. They will show up on time, will work to the hardest of their abilities and will be loyal. There is a perfect role for everyone.
Someone recently asked me about Tyler's future. I don't know what it is. For now, he's happy with us. One day he may be happy living in his own place. That's up to him. We work toward independence but he doesn't have to worry. My biggest fear/challenge is to set up a system so if something happens to me he'll be well taken care of.
Sometimes I resent choices other people make. Some people can walk away from responsibilities and I just cannot understand that. But then I sit with Tyler laughing and know it's their loss. Yes, my life is different. But, it's a good one. And, here's to all those pushy, unrealistic, aggressive Moms. Keep it up. I've got your back.
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